


She's My Religion

by Tiniestgay



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, FOUND FAMILY IS MY FAVE TROPE OK, Friends to Lovers, I just want them all to be happy, all the gals are in this, and oh my god so much pining, idiots to lovers, there may some warnings for later chapters but i will discuss that when we get there, this is just a sappy hsau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29764134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiniestgay/pseuds/Tiniestgay
Summary: When Toni decides to dig deeper into Shelby's life, she sees there's so much more to her than meets the eye. And then there's Andrew. Shelby's boyfriend. Toni hates him more than anyone at Hopewell Lake Public School. And she's determined to let him know it. Shelby on the other hand, just wants to focus on her art and escape from the weight of her home life. Turns out having an inseparable friend group in high school makes it a little easier, even when her totally platonic best friend despises her boyfriend with a passion.aka the high school au where we see found family and Shelby and Toni are idiots in love but dont realize it. except Toni does know. and seeing Shelby with Andrew is killing her. so much pining.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 43
Kudos: 88





	1. Where I Belong

**Author's Note:**

> ok hi i dont know where this will end up going but i could feel this fic bubbling up inside me and i needed to write it. hope you enjoy!!

_ I found a reason _

_ And suddenly I’m not so alone _

_ I’m finally breathing  _

_ Like I never could on my own _

_ Where I Belong - Simple Plan  _

Shelby stood in front of the mirror in her room and smiled after setting her hair perfectly over her shoulders. It was the first day of senior year and she was excited for what it had waiting for her. 

She was taking Visual Arts this semester which was exciting. She had always been captivated by art. Her own canvases laid in her closet, away from her fathers judgement. He had been insistent on her pursuing a business career, insinuating that art was nothing but a hobby and wasn’t a passion she could pursue for her future. So she hid her work and drew behind the scenes. 

After one more look over, she grabbed a quick breakfast and hopped into her car. She drove in the opposite direction of Hillnorth Public School towards Martha’s house. When she got there she watched as Toni and Martha sprinted to the passenger door. Shelby rolled her eyes but smiled fondly at her friends. 

After a few seconds of play fighting, Toni smiled triumphantly and opened the door. Martha pouted and hopped into the back seat. 

“Better luck next time Marty,” Toni teased as she settled in her spot. 

“You guys are so childish,” Shelby said. Toni just smiled and settled in. 

Shelby drove off as the trio idly talked about the first day of school. Without asking, Shelby drove into a drive through at a nearby Starbucks. 

“Really?” Toni quipped. “White girls and their fucking Starbucks…” 

Shelby let out a huff of air before turning and asking Martha if she wanted something after ordering her own drink. Toni frowned when Shelby didn’t pay any mind to ask her if she wanted anything, but before she drove up to the window, Shelby asked for a black coffee. 

When they received their order, Shelby turned to Toni and handed her the coffee with a smirk. “Here’s your  _ white girl  _ coffee.” 

Toni stuck her tongue out but took it gratefully and thanked her quietly. Shelby thought it was adorable. 

When they arrived at school, they spotted their friend group huddled around a minivan and parked beside them. 

“What’s up bitches!” Fatin said as she went over to hug the three of them. Shelby greeted the rest of the group with warm smiles and friendly hugs. The eight of them had become inseparable after working on the school play last year and Shelby was grateful for her friends. They helped each other in so many ways, and even though there were things that no one knew about Shelby, she felt undeniably safe with them. 

After catching up briefly and sharing their class schedules, they made their way into the building just as the first warning bell rang. 

They split up to go to their respective classrooms and Shelby walked with Leah to first period. It was English, which was a subject Shelby excelled in so she couldn’t complain too much. 

The first day was always boring. Just syllabus after syllabus. She was even bored during her second period visual arts class, opting to doodle in the margins of the papers that were handed out. But then third period came. She decided to take gym after a very convincing speech Toni gave her about staying active. And no, Shelby didn’t just agree because Toni gave her puppy dog eyes. She simply agreed that it would help keep her in shape.    
After changing into their gym uniforms, which consisted of a loose grey t-shirt and black shorts, a group stood in the middle of the gymnasium. It was a co-ed class and the minute she looked up, Andrew was smirking at her with a mischievous look in his eyes. She smiled uncomfortably and looked at Mr. Lancaster who was briefly going over expectations for the class. 

After 10 minutes it was decided they would start their first class by playing friendly basketball games. Both Shelby and Fatin groaned but Toni bounced on her feet excitedly. 

“Why did we agree to this…” Fatin said to Shelby. 

Before Shelby could reply, she was being chosen by Andrew to join his team. She moved to his little group and saw Toni scowling at him. She knew Toni hated him. She saw him as just some jerk and constantly told Shelby she deserved better. She sighed and let Andrew pull her along with the other teammates. 

The gym was set up to have two mini basketball courts and with 20 people in the class, they separated into four teams of five. Toni’s group made their way over to the court Shelby was on. 

Toni walked right up to Andrew with a basketball gripped in one hand. “You ready to get your ass whooped by a girl?” 

He clenched his jaw and scoffed. “Whatever. Let’s just start.” 

Mr. Lancaster started the tip off and Shelby had absolutely no clue what to do or where to go. All she knew was Toni was sprinting up the side of the court after bypassing Andrew who fell on his ass and scored a layup. 

Shelby snickered and was not paying attention when suddenly the ball was in her hands. She knew enough about the sport to dribble the ball and make her way to the other basket. But Toni was quickly in front of her with that god forsaken cocky smirk and was far too distracted to realize the ball was being taken from her grasp. Toni had snatched it and scored another lay up yet again. 

“What the fuck Shelby?” Andrew said annoyed. 

She furrowed her brow. “It’s just a game Andrew…” 

He huffed and got the ball back. The game continued like this with Toni and Andrew constantly going at it, and you would think no one else was part of the team. But then Shelby had the ball again and this time was determined to at least get some points. Before she could move forward, the ball was being taken from her again by Toni, only this time Toni clipped her leg and she fell to the ground with a yelp. 

She held her knee and stayed on the floor. Almost immediately Toni stopped dribbling and kneeled beside her. 

“Fuck…” Shelby whispered while clutching her right knee. “That hurt.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Toni interjected, worry written on her face. She tentatively reached out to touch her knee. “Are you okay?” 

Their eyes locked and without missing a beat, Shelby smirked and said, “I will be.” 

She scooped the ball from next to them and bolted to the basket, scoring a point. 

“Way to go babe!” Andrew exclaimed and gave her a hug. 

Shelby glanced at a dumbfounded Toni who stood up almost pouting. Shelby found it endearing, really. 

“Aw what’s the matter?” She asked innocently. 

Toni walked over and picked the ball off the floor. “That was unfair. I thought you were hurt.” 

“I have absolutely no basketball skills at all so I had to use some of my own to help me by.” 

“Oh please, your acting was terrible.” 

Shelby chuckled and before making her way to the other side of the court, she spoke again. “That’s why it worked, right? Or you can just admit you're a softie and you care about me.” 

After the period was done, Shelby made her way to the cafeteria with Toni and Fatin. They saw Leah and Rachel already sitting at a table and made their way over to join them. After 5 minutes the rest of the group joined and they all discussed their classes again. 

“Oh you should have seen it,” Fatin stated and pointed at Shelby. “This queen here scored a point against the one and only Toni Shalifoe.” 

“Really Shalifoe?” Rachel teased. 

Toni grumbled about how Shelby had cheated her way around and that it didn’t actually count. Shelby just smiled and looped their arms together and rested her head on her shoulder. 

“Whatever you say, Toni.” 

They stayed in the position for the rest of the period as they all ate their food and chatted. 

Last period rolled around quickly and Shelby found herself at the back of the room with Toni in a biology classroom. After 20 minutes of syllabus talk, the teacher announced that the students would be allowed to choose their lab partners for the rest of the semester. 

Shelby turned to Toni eagerly. Toni stared at her with an eyebrow raised. 

“Yes?” 

“We’re going to be lab partners right?” 

“Actually I was thinking of asking Regan…” 

Shelby’s smile faltered only for Toni to start laughing. “I’m kidding, dude.” 

Shelby smacked her arm and frowned. “That wasn’t funny.” 

“I guess we’re even now for your little stunt in gym today.” 

Shelby huffed but smiled. “ I guess so.” 

Toni smiled back at her and then flicked her with her pencil. “And that’s for smacking me.” 

Shelby giggled and shook her head. This was going to be a good year, she decided. 


	2. In your Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i know people are thinking "where is tonis chapter if shes the one pining????!?!?" you will get that POV I promise!! I just wanted to show Shelby's side too because i think its real interesting to alternate. THE PINING IS COMING! As you'll see Shelby is so clueless to her feelings, or just doesnt really care to acknowledge them. Anyways happy reading! and Enjoy :D
> 
> Trigger warnings: sexual assault (not explicit by any means but it’s def implied) and also panic attack warning. Stay safe and happy reading!

_ Hey homecoming queen _

_ Why do you lie when somebody's mean? _

_ Where do you hide? _

_ Do people assume you're always alright? _

_ Been so good at smiling most of your life _

_ Homecoming queen? - Kelsea Ballerini _

A few weeks into the year and classes have already begun taking their toll on the students. Even Shelby, who sat in her visual arts class idly chatting with Nora while working on shading techniques, was starting to feel the pressure. 

“Have you decided what your final piece is going to be?” Nora asked. 

Shelby hummed and continued shading the sphere on her page. “Not sure. I know I want to make a painting of some sort though. What about you?” 

“I’m going to do a portrait of Rachel.” 

Shelby smiled at her. “That’s really sweet.” 

“Yeah,” Nora shrugged. “Her birthday is soon after the project is due and I figured it’d be a nice gift.” 

Shelby thought of the portraits in her sketchbook. Some were of her friends, some were of her. She has shown the rough sketches to Dot and Leah, but never anyone else. But that’s only because they asked. There is one, though, that is much more detailed than the rest. Why she worked feverishly on it, she’ll never know. 

“I think that’s a lovely gift,” she replied. Nora smiled and the pair went back to focusing on the task at hand. 

She found peace during these classes. It sounded corny, but art was something that took her away and made her feel more like her. It gave her a sense of belonging. Being able to craft something from bare bones and creating personal creations was grounding. 

She also used it as an outlet. When she was angry, she’d draw. When she was sad, she’d draw. When she was happy, she’d draw. 

But it wasn’t a thing her father approved of. He wanted her to go into business, to one day run her own company. But the thought was repulsing. She had taken intro business classes during sophomore and junior year, but had never been so bored in her entire life. She wanted to live her life without constraints, but fears of being a disappointment were far louder than the need for freedom. So she sucked it up, plastered on a smile, and took toward the future her father wanted. 

Thankfully, though, her business class this year was not until next semester. For now, she could be at peace in the small art classroom and relish in its bliss. 

When lunch rolled around, she found herself laughing at a childhood story Rachel was telling of her and Nora. 

Just as she’s about to interject, she feels arms wrap around her shoulders from behind. She smiles and turns her head. 

“Hi Andrew.” 

“Hey babe,” he says and presses a kiss to her cheek. She glances around their table quickly and is relieved none of the girls are paying them any mind, all still listening and laughing at Rachel’s story. Except for Toni, she realizes. Who’s staring daggers at Andrew. She wants to roll her eyes, but she knows how much Toni dislikes him. 

“So Seth is throwing a party at his parents house this weekend…” he says into her ear. She ignores the need to move away from him, suddenly not feeling entirely comfortable in his grasp. “You should come.” 

She gets her composure back and smiles sweetly. “As long as you pick me up.” 

“Of course,” he says and kisses her cheek again before letting her go. “Gotta head to the gym now though. Coach wants to talk about strategies for the home game coming up.” 

Before Shelby can say bye, he’s already walking towards the doors. She huffs and returns to eating the salad in front of her. 

“Did I hear something about a party?” Fatin asks with a wide smile. 

Shelby nods. 

“Well sign me the fuck up!” She then turns to the rest of the girls and gestures around the table. “And the rest of you?” 

Leah, Dot, Martha, and Toni all agree. But Rachel and Nora take a raincheck. Nora because she wants to spend time with Quinn, and Rachel because she needs to rest for a cross country meet. 

“Speaking of parties,” Dot interjects. “Remember that one party we threw at the beach with that huge bonfire?” 

Everyone says yes and begins telling the stories of that wild night. But Shelby and Toni share a quiet look. 

Because there is one thing the girls have no idea about. And it’s something Toni and Shelby agreed to never talk about again. But right now, as recognition flashes across Toni’s face all Shelby can see is the moonlight glow against her hair, the sparkle in her eyes…

_ “Is this really a good idea?” Shelby asked as they paddle a small canoe out in the water.  _

_ Toni smirked at her. “What? Are you scared?”  _

_ She scoffed and shoved Toni’s shoulder playfully.  _

_ “I just don’t want you to fall over…” she says. “You’re a bit of a clutz.”  _

_ “Am not,” Toni defended.  _

_ “Are too.”  _

_ “Hey you listen here-” Toni stood then to move towards Shelby but tripped over her own shoe laces, falling into Shelby’s lap with an oof.  _

_ Shelby is laughing hard as Toni sits back up beside her. She noticed the blush on her cheeks along with her scowl.  _

_ “Shut up…” she grumbled. Which only makes Shelby smile more. “I’m just drunk.”  _

_ “Yeah sure you are.”  _

_ “You know what?”  _

_ “No wha-”  _

_ Toni lunged at her then and tickled her sides as they both landed on the small base of the canoe seat with Shelby squirming under her.  _

_ “St-Stop..Ple-Please,” she managed through giggles.  _

_ “Say I’m not a clutz.”  _

_ Shelby squeezed her lips together and shook her head.  _

_ Toni raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”  _

_ She then pressed harder, eventually pinning Shelby’s hands down.  _

_ “Ok-Okay,” Shelby managed. “You win.”  _

_ Toni smiled at her and stopped her tortuous tactic. But she didn’t move from her spot where she was straddling Shelby with her hands now resting on either side of her head.  _

_ Shelby smiled at her sweetly, admiring the moonlight shining against her skin, and how her eyes beamed at her. She was lost in it. She wasn’t drunk but Lord did it feel like she was.  _

_ Because suddenly they weren’t laughing anymore. And Toni stared at her in a way that made her feel unsafe.  _

_ Unsafe in a way that caused her head to spin and her stomach to flip. As though she were reaching the top of a rollercoaster anticipating the drop.  _

_ It happened so quickly, Shelby was sure it wasn’t even real. But Toni leaned in then and their lips brushed. A secret kiss out in the water, with the moon hovering above them and the stars shining down on them. It was all too cliche.  _

_ But Shelby did nothing to stop it. She wasn’t sure she wanted too. But as soon as it happened, it ended.  _

_ Neither spoke of it again when they went back to their group for the night. They talked about it later, though, and decided it was a drunken mishap, despite both knowing they couldn’t have been more sober.  _

_ Shelby prayed that night.  _

Shaking herself, Shelby looked away and focused back on the conversation with the girls. 

\-----

The upcoming Saturday came quickly enough and she found herself sitting on a large couch surrounded by people she vaguely recognized with Andrew’s arm slung over her shoulders holding her close. She could see Fatin and Dot in the background dancing wildly to the song playing. They were so fucking drunk. 

The others were probably outside getting high as they usually did. Apart from Martha, who was the designated driver for Toni and Leah. 

She felt Andrew lean in close and press an open mouth kiss to her neck. She wanted to grimace. He was never gentle in his advances. She moved away and smiled at him. 

“Come with me?” He asked with his hand extended. She swallowed the sigh that tried to escape and grabbed his hand. He smirked and moved them around the house until they found the stairs. Some of his friends winked at him and cheered him on as they made their way upstairs. This unsettled Shelby. 

Suddenly they were in a room and as the door closed Andrew threw himself on her. He began kissing her hard, and she let it happen. 

But then his hand was going up her shirt and squeezing her boob. She pulled away and pushed his hands off her. 

“Andr-” 

“Shh.” He pressed against her again and kissed her neck, biting into a particularly sensitive spot. 

“Andrew stop.” She tried to push him away again but his grip was stronger this time. He held her wrists in one of his hands and moved his free hand towards the waistband of her jeans. 

Her heart rate increased and she felt tears prickle her eyes. She squirmed and screamed.

“Fucking stop!” 

At her tone, he pulled away with a frown. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He growled. He moved towards her again but she swerved out of his way

“Are you serious?” 

Shelby wanted to cry in her frustration. “I said no.” 

She noticed the way he smirked and leaned closer to her. Now she just wanted to throw up. She knew this act of his all too well. She could smell the beer from his breath and that’s when she broke. 

“Don’t fucking touch me.” She spat. She hated being angry, but the reminder of that dreadful night in the back of Andrew’s car was too much for her. Her tears were falling freely now.

He scoffed and kept creeping closer. But then she pushed him and the anger in his face scared her more than anything else. 

But before he could do anything else, the door opened. 

She didn’t turn to look at who had come in. Andrew glanced between her and the door. He clenched his jaw and stormed out without another look. 

“Did he hurt you?” 

It was Toni. 

She swallowed and desperately wanted to smile. Wanted to pretend and wish it all away. But she couldn’t. Her breaths got shallow and quicker. Everything seemed like it was closing in on her. 

She heard the door shut and then Toni was in front of her. But Shelby looked everywhere but her. 

“Shelby hey,” Toni tried. She felt light headed. She couldn’t focus. 

“Look at me.” When Shelby didn’t budge, Toni gently grabbed her hands and guided her to sit on the floor. She fell into Toni’s arms immediately. She cried and cried. 

“He tried to-H-He w-wanted,” she choked on her sobs and Toni held her closer and shook her head. 

“No. It’s okay.” She spoke softly. “You don’t have to talk. Just let it out, okay?” 

Shelby nodded and let herself loose. Toni began breathing deeply and signalling Shelby to copy her. When her breathing finally returned to normal. She leaned her head on Toni’s shoulder who kept a protective arm around her. 

“I’m gonna kill him.” 

Shelby laughed quietly. “You don’t even know what happened.” 

“I don’t need to know. He made you feel like this and for that I’m going to kill him.” 

She leaned into her more and Toni squeezed her shoulder. “Do you want to get out of here?” 

Shelby nodded. 

They made their way out of the party unscathed, and Toni led them to a small playground nearby. They sat on the swings and stayed quiet. 

After a few minutes of nothing, Toni broke the silence. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

She shrugged and kicked at the woodchips on the ground. “Not really.” 

“Okay.” 

She hears Toni get off the swing and move behind her. “What are you doing?” 

“Well if we’re not going to talk about it then we’re going to at least have some fun.” 

Shelby rolled her eyes but smiled. “And what? You gonna push me?” 

“...Maybe.” 

She laughed quietly as Toni pushed her on the swing. A few minutes later they decided they were bored and were climbing onto the miniature jungle gym and goofing around. 

Toni was hanging off the monkey bars swinging wildly. 

“You’re gonna fall.” 

She replied by doing multiple pull ups. Shelby felt her face grow hot. She always knew Toni was strong, but watching her actively pursue an action of strength was quite impressive. 

“Show off,” she muttered. She made her way to the top of the swirly slide and sat there watching as Toni smirked. 

“Just say you’re impressed.” 

“I’m not.” 

Toni then jumped onto the small platform and made her way towards Shelby. She sat down next to her and bumped their shoulders. 

“We should probably head back,” Shelby said. “Martha’s probably worried.” 

“Yeah…” 

Toni frowned then. “Do you need a ride home? I know you came with Andrew.” 

She had completely forgotten about that. “Oh...yeah.” 

“Cool I’ll text her to come here.” 

They waited for Martha to come and Shelby sighed. “Thank you.” She said quietly. “For coming when you did.” 

“I mean it was an accident that I went into that room but-” 

Shelby smacked her lightly on her thigh causing Toni to laugh. “You’re welcome.” 

Their eyes locked then. And suddenly Shelby was back in that canoe. The moon shining on Toni’s face, her eyes playfully watching her. She swallowed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“You’re a really good friend, Toni.” 

She noticed her smile faltered the tiniest bit. But she was sure she imagined it. 

“Yeah…” Toni replied. “You are too.” 


	3. Play Pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOP WHOOP TONIS CHAPTER LETS GO. 
> 
> Warnings: Some homophobic slurs are said here. Light violence. 
> 
> Safe reading and hope you enjoy!

_ I know you like the back of my hand  _

_ I want you more everyday  _

_ And it’s hard to watch you fall again _

_ Cause now I gotta play pretend  _

_ Play Pretend - Alex Sampson  _

Toni is annoyed. Annoyed at herself, annoyed at the smug asshole on the football team sitting two tables over, and annoyed at an overly excited Shelby already talking about prom. 

“Do we really need to talk about this?” She says. “Prom isn’t even until next semester.” 

Shelby rolled her eyes. “Yeah but I’m on the Prom Committee, Toni.” 

“Yeah don’t be such a downer,” Fatin says. “I personally cannot wait to sneak in booze and,” she smirks at Leah, “dance with my friends.” 

Toni shook her head but smiled. Fatin was not subtle.

“If you sneak alcohol in, please don’t tell me,” Shelby replies. “I don’t want to be caught breaking any rules.” 

Fatin just smiled wider and began poking fun at Shelby. Toni just watched. She watched as Shelby laughed at the ridiculousness. Watched as she reached over and said something to Dot. How she attentively listened to Rachel and Nora. 

Her eyes were bright today. She looked much happier than she had been Saturday night when they were at the park. It was relieving to see her like this. Laughing and relaxed. 

And that fucking smile. 

The smile that made Toni’s heart leap. Made her stop for just a second to admire it’s elegance.

She didn’t believe in God, but she didn’t trust nature to create something as expertly crafted as Shelby Goodkind. 

Her trance was shaken when an arm slung around Shelby’s shoulders. Toni shook herself with a scowl and focused on eating the pizza in front of her. 

A familiar buzz swelled in her chest. She was quick to know when anger began settling over her. So she tapped her middle finger and thumb together repeatedly. It was a mechanism she used to veer herself from lashing out. 

She risked a glance across the table and refused to acknowledge how Andrew was leaning in close to her. But Shelby was looking at Toni with concern. 

It was then she noticed she had been tapping on top of the table. Shelby knew her all too well to not know what she was doing. 

She gave her a reassuring smile and then turned to talk with Martha. 

It was going to be a long week trying not to rip Andrews head off. 

\-----

The next day, her patience was tested again. Only this time, she couldn’t control it. 

She walked to gym class earlier than usual because of a quiz during second period, and was stopped near the gymnasium doors when she heard Shelby’s name. 

“I just don’t get what the fuck is wrong with her, y’know?” 

Toni clenched her jaw. Andrew. 

“Maybe you’re not as a slick as you think you are.” She recognized the dude's voice but couldn’t place it. What was his name?

“Shut up, Seth.” Andrew snarled. 

Ah, okay. Seth. 

“She’s just such a prude. Like fuck off with your Jesus loving, ‘saving yourself for marriage’ shit,” Andrew said. 

She tapped her fingers together and took deep breaths. She calmed herself down and decided she didn’t want to hear anymore of this so she moved to go to the changeroom. 

But stopped dead in her tracks at Seth’s next line. 

“Maybe she’s a dyke,” he laughed. 

She heard Andrew scoff. “Nah man, that’s not even funny. That’s just fucked up.” 

Her hand clenched into a fist. She was done letting this pathetic excuse of a man run his mouth. She moved to round the corner of the door but was stopped by the warning bell. People trickled into the hallway and she grumbled and went to the changeroom. 

The period went by without incident but mostly because Toni was too occupied with her thoughts. She wanted to punch Andrew and wipe that stupid fucking smirk off his face as he bumped into her during their soccer game. But Fatin stayed with her the whole time and her jokes managed to steady Toni. 

And then thing’s broke down when the period ended. Toni told Shelby and Fatin that she had to stay behind to talk to the teacher. 

Once everyone cleared the changeroom, she punched her duffel bag and took steady breaths to calm down. 

“He’s not worth it,” she mumbled. “He’s not fucking worth it.” 

She took one final deep breath and left the room. She was headed toward the cafeteria when she was stopped. Great. 

“Get the fuck out of my way,” she sneered at Andrew and Seth. 

Andrew had the audacity to smirk. She clenched her jaw and tried to move past them. 

“Aw is someone mad they got their ass whooped today?” Andrew said in a baby voice. 

She glared at him. But it wasn’t that comment, it was the reminder that this dickweed was Shelby’s boyfriend. And that he said those awful things about her. 

“You better get the hell out of my way or i-” 

“Or what?” Seth interjected. “What are you gonna do about it faggot?” 

Every inch of control she had disappeared then. She swung and punched him square in the jaw. 

“What the fuck?!” He shouted while holding his face. 

Andrew pushed her into a row of lockers and glared at her. “Are you fucking insane?” 

She scoffed and pushed him back. Then she punched him in the stomach. When he doubled over, she shoved him right on his ass. 

“Now who’s getting their ass whooped?” She said smugly. She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and moved closer to him. 

“I’d think about what you say the next time I’m around.” 

Seth apparently had a mind of his own to step away and watch the encounter with a few others who had begun to crowd around them. 

Andrew glared and got back up, towering over her. He shoved her again. 

“What? You think I’m afraid of some dyke?” 

Toni dropped her bag and clocked him right in the mouth. He grunted and held his now bleeding lip. 

Her hands were shaking, and her knuckles were now red with a small cut lingering. 

He was about to swing back until a voice echoed through the hall. 

“What’s going on here?” Ms. Klein’s voice broke through. 

“This bitch is psychotic,” Andrew replied, still clutching his lip. 

Toni scoffed and shook her head. “He wa-” 

“I don’t want to hear it,” Ms. Klein interrupted. “You two come with me. Now.” 

Unfortunately the fastest way to the office was through the cafeteria. They walked in and immediately heard murmurs. She risked a glance at her table. 

Her eye’s caught Shelby’s, who was staring at her with confusion until she saw Andrew and his swollen lip. She frowned and looked back at Toni. Then she moved to stand up, but Dot placed a hand on her arm forcing her to stay seated.

Toni averted her gaze and moved through the cafeteria at a faster pace than necessary. She knew the drill. 

Sit down in the office, wait to be called in, explain some bullshit story, and then get some form of punishment. 

She wasn’t sorry for punching Andrew. The asshole deserved it. 

\-----

The verdict was detention for one week. Better than she thought she’d get. Thankfully, Coach Young wasn’t harsh and didn’t cut her from the team. He did give her a warning though to soften up her act, especially with the basketball season approaching. 

She went to the bathroom and was about to wash her bloody and bruised hand when the door opened. She didn’t look up, even when she heard that Texan drawl. 

“Are you okay?” 

Toni was angry again. Staring at her hand, she said sharply, “why the fuck does it matter?” 

After a few seconds of silence she glanced up in the mirror and saw Shelby staring at her with concern. 

“Because I care about you?” She said. “You’re my friend, Toni.” 

Right. Friend. That’s all she’d ever be. 

She scoffed and turned the tap on. She hissed when the water hit her cut. 

“Fuck,” she mumbled withdrawing her hand. 

She heard something rummaging around and then Shelby was beside her leaning on the countertop. Their eyes locked but neither spoke.

Shelby took her right hand into hers after placing a small first aid kit beside them. 

She slowly dabbed the wound with so much care that only made Toni want to scream in frustration. The care, the love. It was all too damn much for her stubborn heart. 

But she stayed quiet and let her clean her wound. 

“There,” Shelby said. She smiled sadly when Toni met her eyes and ran a thumb over her knuckles. “And you made fun of me for buying this at the beginning of the year.” 

Toni huffed out a laugh and pulled her hand away. “Shut up.” 

It turned quiet again and Shelby stepped closer. Barely. Toni must have imagined it. But then their eyes meet and all her resolve crumbles. 

“Why are you dating him?” She asks quietly. Because she truly did not understand. She did not comprehend how someone as caring, gentle and kind as Shelby could be dating that monster. She deserved better. She deserved to be respected and loved for all that she was. 

Shelby seemed taken back by the question. She wrapped her arms around her torso and shrugged. Toni could see it. The sad look in her eyes, as if she was trapped. And her smile wasn’t genuine. 

“Shelby.” 

“I don’t know, okay?” She said in a rush. “He’s a decent enough guy and my daddy seems to like him.” 

Toni wanted to roll her eyes. That was a bullshit reason to be dating someone. But perhaps Shelby just loved him enough to put up with his shit. That bothered her. A lot. The thought of her loving someone else, kissing them, holding them. She clenched her jaw and looked down at the floor. 

“Yeah, well tell him to keep his fucking mouth shut.” 

“What di-” 

The bell rang then. She moved toward the door and turned. 

“We don’t want to be late for bio now, do we?” 

Shelby looked like she wanted to protest but as some other girls filtered into the bathroom she just sighed and followed Toni out. 

They didn’t talk during biology as the teacher took to teaching a lesson the entire time, and as soon as a bell rang, she was up and out the door in a flash.

\-----

During basketball practice, all she could feel was Shelby’s hand in hers. How gentle she was, how her hand lingered and brushed her knuckles. Her eyes filled with nothing but concern. Those green eyes that Toni softened for every single time. 

Andrew was a lucky son of a bitch and he didn’t even know it. 

She grit her teeth and pushed herself hard through the suicides they were doing. She focused instead on the ache in her muscles and chest.

At least this was a pain she could handle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also idk if anyon would be interested in getting a playlist for this fic?? cause each chapter sort of has a song attached to it as you could tell with the lyrics at the beginning! think its a cool lil thing to add


	4. Falling

_ I keep dreaming of her tongue _

_ Her blue denim skirt undone _

_ I have no idea how she just gets me hot with her eyes alone  _

_ Like she wants me to lose control _

_ Funny how she doesn’t even know _

_ Omg Did She Call Him Baby? - Beth McCarthy  _

It’s Friday night. As per a new tradition, the girls were in Fatin’s  _ huge _ basement lounging on a comfy white couch with Shelby and Dot on either side of her. Fatin sat beside Dot, and Martha on the other side of Shelby. Rachel, Nora, and Leah all took up the bean bag chairs around the floor. 

They opted to play some dumb romantic comedy Fatin suggested much to Toni’s protests. 

They had started this tradition as a day to relax from the week and have some ‘quality girl bonding’ as Fatin described it. Some nights they played games, but tonight was movie night. 

The movie wasn’t awful, but Toni was so tired of the same old heterosexual love stories. She huffed as the guy showed up at the girls house with a bouquet of roses. 

She saw Shelby turn her head. “What’s wrong? It’s cute,” she said. 

Toni huffed louder causing Shelby to giggle. Her stomach flipped. 

To make it worse, Shelby then decided to lean her head on Toni’s shoulder and loop their arms. 

This girl was going to be the death of her. She shook herself, though. It was just a stupid crush and she’d get over it soon enough, she always did. 

But then she heard a content sigh escape Shelby’s lips. She tried not to squirm but goddamn was it hard when her heart was racing and she could feel her palms getting sweaty. 

She wasn’t even sure what the movie was about, and with their new position, there was no way in hell she could focus.

She glanced around and thankfully, no one was looking at them. She moved her arm to wrap around Shelby’s shoulders and gently traced patterns along her shoulder. 

She was truly and utterly fucked. 

\-----

On Monday, Toni was finally detention free after her fight with Andrew and was sat in biology at a lab table with Shelby. 

They’re doing a dissection of a pig's heart and Toni was buzzing. Being able to see the complexity of bodies was fascinating. 

“You look excited,” Shelby said. 

Toni smiled at her and held up her scalpel as though it were a torch lighting her way. “I am ready to learn about this heart with the utmost respect.” 

Shelby laughed as she slipped her gloves on. “You’re such a dork.” 

Toni smiled wider. “Am not.” 

“Are too.” 

“I am no-” 

“Hey sorry to interrupt,” Regan said as she appeared on the opposite side of the lab table. “My partner isn’t here today and I was told to join you guys.” 

“Not a problem!” Shelby said brightly. 

Toni knew Regan from middle school. They didn’t date exactly, but it was obvious they were crushing on each other. They had hung out a lot between class and had sleepovers with Martha. When they reached high school, though, they drifted apart, but it was never awkward between them. Toni still considered her a friend and someone she could potentially trust. 

Regan smiled and sat across from them. When they started the dissection, she noticed Regan tense just above the heart while holding her scalpel. 

Toni raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?” 

“Uhm…” She started and then laughed nervously. It was kind of cute. “I’m kind of squeamish when it comes to dissections.” 

Toni stood and moved beside Regan. “Here,” she said as she guided Reagan's hand across where the incision had to be made. 

They looked at eachother and Regan glanced at her lips for just a second causing Toni to pull away and clear her throat awkwardly. She then noticed Shelby watching them with a polite smile. But her eyes weren’t as bright and she fiddled with the cross around her neck. She only did that when she was nervous or upset. 

“Thanks,” Regan said, breaking the silence. 

“No problem.” 

She moved back to her seat beside Shelby and ignored her questioning look. 

“Anyways, let’s finish this. I don’t want to be late to practice.” 

The rest of the period went by easily. The trio talked casually, laughing here and there. But Toni couldn’t help but notice the edge to Shelby’s voice, and the way Regan kept staring at her with a shy smile. It wasn’t enough to cause disruption to the easygoing vibe, but it was still there. 

By the time she got to practice, she was exhausted. But Coach Young hyped the group up for their friendly home game on Friday. It wasn’t a rival team but first home games were always fun. The hype made her feel a little better. 

Later that day she texted the group chat with the girls to ask if they were going to be at her game. 

**Fatin:** _ uhhh duh??  _

**Shelby:** _ wouldn’t miss it!  _

**Rachel:** _ You better bring your A-Game.  _

**Leah:** _ There’s a new burger place that opened near my house so we can go there after the game to celebrate your win.  _

Toni shook her head with a smile. She loved her friends. 

**Toni:** _ If we win, y’all have to do a shot for every basket I get.  _

**Nora:** _ I don’t think alcohol poisoning would do us any good.  _

**Shelby:** _ Meh. I think we’ll be fine ;)  _

**Toni:** _ Shut up.  _

**Fatin:** _ Wooaah Goodkind just roasted you _

**Toni:** _ whatever just for that im gonna get the most points  _

**Shelby:** _ Mhm if you say so _

\-----

The first thing Toni noticed at the game was that the bleachers were full, the second thing she noticed was how loud it was when she ran onto the court, and the last thing she noticed was Shelby smiling brightly at her  _ without  _ Andrew next to her. This was going to be a good game. 

And she kept good on her promise from before. She managed to get the most points and lead their team to victory. 

When the game ended, people flooded the floor from the bleachers to talk with players. She walked towards her friends and they all slammed her in a group hug. She laughed and pretended to hate it before embracing them as much as she could. Sure, she didn’t have any blood family to go home too but she had this family and they were pretty great too. 

Leah gave directions to the burger place near her house and they all went there to celebrate.

They sat in a booth where they were a little cramped but they made it work. Toni was happy here. These were her people and she felt warm at the laughter and easy conversations that flew between them as they waited to be served.

Across from her, she saw Dot lean over and whisper something in Shelby’s ear who then frowned and looked past Toni’s shoulder. But Toni didn’t want to expose herself for watching them, so she didn’t turn around to see whatever it was they were looking at. 

But then she knew. The waiter that came was a fit, younger guy who gave Shelby a smile. 

“What can I get for ya?” 

“I’ll have whatever’s best,” Fatin drawled, smirking at him. Toni rolled her eyes at her subtly. 

He played along with her but it was obvious his attention kept landing on Shelby. Toni clenched her fist under the table when he finally got to her. She grumbled out her order, and then took to sipping on her water because she could feel Shelby’s eyes on her and couldn’t handle that right now. 

Before leaving, he shot Shelby a wink and Fatin whistled as he walked away. 

“Damn looks like someone has the hots for you,” she said. 

“And that boy’s fine,” Rachel chimed in. “Not sure how much Andrew would appreciate him though.” 

Toni clenched her jaw and tapped her fingers together under the table. 

“Oh fuck that’s right,” Fatin said. “He’d probably go all ape shit and kick his ass.” 

Shelby laughed but Toni could feel it was forced as she finally spoke up, “well he can look at all he wants but he won’t be gettin’ anything.” 

\-----

Things seemed to ease up after that. They went about eating their food and even had a contest to see who could throw a french fry directly into Toni’s mouth first. Winner gets a cookie and cream milkshake.  By the end, it was Nora who won and sipped happily on her milkshake.

Toni had a good time and even forgot about the dude who was staring at Shelby. When they left, they branched off to their respective cars. Toni and Martha followed Shelby towards her car until a voice called out. 

“Hey!” 

It was that fucking waiter. He jogged towards Shelby and stopped a few feet short of her. 

Martha placed a hand on Toni’s arm, somehow sensing her anger was starting to bubble up. She took a deep breath. 

“Uhm, I think you’re really hot,” he smiled and rubbed the back of his head, no doubt trying to show off his muscles. Toni wanted to punch him. “And I’d love it if we could maybe hang out sometime?” 

She saw how Shelby stiffened as she opened her mouth and closed it again. She sighed and then shook her head. “Sorry but no.” 

“Aw come on just one night?” 

He moved closer and was about to reach out when Toni hit her limit. She barged between them and pushed him away. 

“She said no dude.” 

He lifted his hands in defense. “Look I was just trying-” 

“She said no so take that as a fucking answer.” 

He shook his head and then scoffed. “Whatever.” 

He strode back inside the building, and Toni finally let out a deep breath, her muscles still tense. She felt a soft hand on her wrist and she eased up. 

She turned towards Shelby and said, “you good?” 

Shelby smiled shyly and nodded. She then squeezed Toni’s arm a little. “Are you?” 

“Yeah,” Toni breathed. “Just don’t want dickheads to try any shit with you.” 

“Aww,” Shelby drawled and moved in to hug her. “My hero.” 

Toni gulped and closed her eyes tight. Shelby had absolutely no idea what she was doing to her. Her heart pounded in her chest as she hugged Shelby back trying to think of something witty to say back, or anything really. But she remained soundless and relished in the embrace. But then she blushed remembering that Martha was still there. 

She pulled back and pointed to the car. “We should head back.” 

The drive home was quiet, but not heavy. When they reached Martha’s house, Toni stayed behind in the passenger seat telling Martha she’d be out in a second. 

They were alone now and Toni fiddled with her fingers. Shelby reached over and stilled her hand with hers. Toni felt hot suddenly. 

“I’m real glad you didn’t bloody your hands up this time.” 

Toni laughed. “Yeah well, I would have if he touched you.” 

“You’re sweet.” 

Toni felt her heart pick up at the softness of those words. Shelby continued, “but don’t go hurtin’ yourself for me.” 

She wanted to protest. Wanted to spill everything out right then and there. Tell her how she would do anything to protect her and that she was deserving of every single good thing the world had to offer. That she was in love with her...

Fuck. 

_ Oh fuck.  _

She pulled her hand away from Shelby then and moved to open the door, but not before saying, “can’t make any promises.” 

She left and busied herself with getting ready for bed. 

There was no way she was in love with her. It was only a crush. That thought had just come from the spur of the moment, lingering in the softness of Shelby’s words. 

Even as she lay in bed, she willed it to go away. It was only a crush, she repeated to herself. She held onto that like a mantra. 

But everything she saw in Shelby was beautiful. How her eyes lit up when she talked about something she was passionate about, or the sadness in them at the mention of her parents. How her laugh busts out when someone makes a stupid joke, especially when it’s her real laugh. One that reminds Toni that she’s this real person, and not just some God. How her voice could calm every nerve in Toni’s body yet simultaneously start a fire in her chest.  __

“Hey Toni?” Martha suddenly called out. Toni startled at it. 

“What’s up?” 

“How do you feel about Shelby?” 

Toni’s jaw dropped slightly, thankful that the darkness could hide most of her blush. She swallowed, struggling to piece together why Martha would ask this out of the blue. 

“Uhm what do you mean?” 

“I mean…” Martha sighed. “Do you like her?” 

Toni knew what she was asking, but she didn’t feel like getting into it right now. “She’s one of my best friends of course I like her.” She bit back, but not enough to alarm Marty. 

She could feel how Martha rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I meant.” 

“Yeah, well it’s a ridiculous question.” 

Martha sighed and shuffled under her covers. “Okay, well, goodnight.” 

“Night,” Toni replied as she pulled her covers up. 

She knew Martha meant no harm, she just knew Toni better than anyone else. Of course she fucking saw it. Was she that obvious? 

She sighed quietly and rolled onto her side and closed her eyes. 

Not only was Shelby dating someone else, she was also her best friend and she didn’t want to ruin that. But her feelings could never be contained, she realized. In some way, a lot of her actions are born out of her love for her. 

She was scared she would find out, or that the others would see it like Martha had. She couldn’t let that happen. She wasn’t going to throw away an amazing friendship for the sake of her stubborn heart. 

She tossed and turned the whole night, fresh with the knowledge that she was, in fact, in love with Shelby Goodkind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!! 
> 
> here's the playlist for the fic so far:   
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPQ1Lh9m479up2rembFvpOQ34svApX57e


End file.
